Many of our problems come from within our own minds. They aren’t caused by events, bad luck, or other people. We cause them through our own poor mental habits. Here are 10 habits you should set aside right away to free yourself from the many problems each one will be causing you.
?Stop jumping to conclusions. There are two common ways this habit increases people’s difficulties. First, they assume that they know what is going to happen, so they stop paying attention and act on their assumption instead. Human beings are lousy fortune-tellers.
Most of what they assume is wrong. That makes the action wrong too.
The second aspect of this habit is playing the mind-reader and
assuming you know why people do what they do or what they’re
thinking. Wrong again, big time. More relationships are destroyed by this particular kind of stupidity than by any other.
?Don’t dramatize. Lots of people inflate small setbacks into life-threatening catastrophes and react accordingly. This habit
makes mountains out of molehills and gives people anxieties that either don’t exist or are so insignificant they aren’t worth
worrying about anyway. Why do they do it? Who knows? Maybe to make themselves feel and seem more important. Whatever the reason, it’s silly as well as destructive.
?Don’t invent rules. A huge proportion of those “oughts” and “shoulds” that you carry around are most likely needless. All that they do for you is make you feel nervous or guilty. What’s the point?
When you use these imaginary rules on yourself, you clog your mind with petty restrictions and childish orders. And when you try to impose them on others, you make yourself into a bully, a boring nag, or a self-righteous bigot.
?Avoid stereotyping or labeling people or situations. The words you use can trip you up. Negative and critical language produces the same flavor of thinking. Forcing things into pre-set categories
hides their real meaning and limits your thinking to no purpose.
See what’s there. Don’t label. You’ll be surprised at what you find.
?Quit being a perfectionist. Life isn’t all or nothing, black or white. Many times, good enough means exactly what it says. Search for the perfect job and you’ll likely never find it. Meanwhile, all the others will look worse than they are. Try for the perfect relationship an d you’ll probably spend your life alone.
Perfectionism is a mental sickness that will destroy all your
pleasure and send you in search of what can never be attained.
?Don’t over-generalize. One or two setbacks are not a sign of permanent failure. The odd tr iumph doesn’t turn you into a genius.
A single event—good or bad—or even two or three don’t always
point to a lasting trend. Usually things are just what they are, nothing more.
?Don’t take things so personally. Most people, even your friends and colleagues, aren’t talking about you, thinking about you, or concerned with you at all for 99% of the time. The majority of folk in your organization or neighborhood have probably never heard of you and don’t especially want to. The ups and downs of life, the warmth and coldness of others, aren’t personal at all. Pretending that they are will only make you more miserable than is needed.
?Don’t assume your emotions are trustworthy. How you feel isn’t always a good indicator of how things are. Just because you feel it, that doesn’t make it true. Sometimes that emotion comes from nothing more profound than being tired, hungry, annoyed, or about to get a head-cold. The future won’t change because you feel
bad—nor because you feel great. Feelings may be true, but they aren’t the truth.
?Don’t let life get you down. Keep practicing being optimistic.
If you expect bad things in your life and work, you’ll always find them. A negative mind-set is like looking at the world through
distorting, grimy lenses. You spot every blemish and overlook or discount everything else. It’s amazing what isn’t there until you start to look for it. Of course, if you decide to look for signs of positive things, you’ll find those too.
?Don’t hang on to the past. This is my most important suggestion of all: let go and move on. Most of the anger, frustration, misery, and despair in this world come from people clinging to past hurts and problems. The more you turn them over in your mind, the worse you’ll feel and the bigger they’ll look. Don’t try to fight
misery. Let go and move on. Do that and you’ve removed just about all its power to hurt you.
我们的大部分问题源自于我们的内心，它们不是由于事故、霉运、或他人引起的，是我们孱弱的思维习惯制造了问题。以下10个方法将有助于你远离那些困扰你的问题：
?不要过早下结论
追寻结论的习惯通过两个普遍的方式增加人们的困扰。其一，人们假定他们知道将要发生什么，于是就开始把注意力和行动放在他们的假设上了。人类是憋足的预言家，他们的大部分假设都是错误的，错误的假设导致了错误的行动。其二，人们扮演“读心者”的角色，他们假设知道他人为什么要干某个事情或他人在想些什么，结果又错了，大错特错。比起其他方式，大部分的人际关系因这种典型的愚蠢方式而被破坏掉的较多。
?不要小题大做
大部分人将小挫折膨胀为一生具有威胁性的事故并做出相应的反应。小题大做的习惯让人们因为不存在的事物或是一些小事而感到忧虑。为什么人们会这样？也许为了这让他们感觉或看起来更重要一些。不管理由是什么，小题大做是愚蠢且具有破坏性的。
?不要制造规则
大部分那些你所遵循的“应该如何如何”之类的规矩几乎都是没有必要的。它们对你的唯一作用是让你觉得紧张或有负罪感。什么意思？当你往身上套那些想象的规则时，你给你的心扣上了枷锁和强加了幼稚的命令。当你试图把这些向他人推行时，你让你自身变成了暴君，一只聒噪的蝉，一个伪善的老顽固。
?避免僵化地或贴标签式地看待人和事
你使用的话语能够影响你的情绪，消极和挑剔的言辞同样影响你的思维。把事物放进预置的类别里，隐藏他们的真实意思，你的思维会变得漫无目的。不要贴标签，看看会发生什么，你会为你所发现的大吃一惊。
?别做完美主义者
生活并不是非黑即白，非此即彼，大部分时候，刚好意味着事物处于自然的状态。如果要寻找一份完美的工作，你有可能永远找不到。同时，他人并没有看起来那么好。追寻完美的人际关系，你有可能终生孤独。完美主义是一种精神毒瘤，它会摧毁你的一切快乐，让你终其一生在追寻你无法到达的目标。
?不要过分放大
一两次的挫折并不表示永远的失败，几次的成功也不意味着你是个天才。一个独立事件或三四个事件（好的或坏的）并不代表一种持续的趋势。通常事物就是它们所存在的样子，此外没有其他了。
?不要自以为是
大部分人，甚至你的朋友和同事，在99%的时间里并没有讨论你、想念你或是关心你。你的很多同事或邻居甚至没有听说过你，更不必说谈论你。生活的起伏，他人的冷暖，与你都无关紧要。怀疑别人在谈论你只会让你更痛苦。
?不要凭你的感觉行事
你如何想并不意味着事情就如你所想，仅仅是因为你感觉如此罢了，这并不会改变事实。大部分的时候，情绪意味着你累了、饿了、郁闷了，此外没有其他更深层次的意义了。未来并不会因为你感觉良好或痛苦而改变。感觉可能是真的，但那不是真理。
?不要让生活把你击倒，始终积极面对
如果你在生活中总是担心害怕厄运，你会常常和它们邂逅。一颗消极的心好比透过一面扭曲且肮脏的透镜观看世界，让你过分聚焦在每个污秽的地方而忽略了其他。当你开始寻找的时候，你会惊奇地发现这些事物并不是预先就存在的。换一种思维，如果你决定去寻找积极的事物，你也会发现它们的。
?不要沉湎过去
这是我最重要的建议：让过去的成为过去，继续前行。这个世界上，人类很多的愤怒、沮丧、痛苦和绝望都是因为沉湎于过去的伤害和问题。你越是在心里念叨着过去的那些事情，你越是感觉糟糕，那些事情会变得越沉重。让过去的成为过去，继续前行，于是你就卸下过去的包袱了。 |
中发现Ni：
中发现Ni：
中发现Ni：
中发现Ni：
中发现Ni：
中发现Ni：
